I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
