Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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