All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
