i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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