I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
