Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
