when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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