I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
