the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
