the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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