I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
