Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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