your parents love me but you hate me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
