god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She said her name was "party"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
