[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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