Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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