White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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