4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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