so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
