you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
