Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
