This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
