I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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