Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
