Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
