I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
