he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
