I think my fart just growled at me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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