A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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