My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
