i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
