i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
