But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
