Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
