Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
