It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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