We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
