So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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