Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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