I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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