Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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