She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
