i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
