It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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