i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
