Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
