I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
