He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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