Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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