So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
