i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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