In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
