i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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