I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
