it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
