They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
should my penis look like a turkey
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
