forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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