ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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