i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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