Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
