So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
