i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
