Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
