is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
