we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
