I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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