is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
